Thoughts from the Treadmill

thoughts from the treadmill
It was absurd that I should have been thinking these thoughts.
"I wonder if she thinks I'm walking too slowly. Do I look as stupid as I feel? Should I ask her if she wants to turn the Dean Martin Cd off and try something else? Maybe it doesn't matter since she's on the cell phone. How can someone be riding a bike that fast and still be easily talking on the cell phone?"
Yep. You guessed it. Another, thinner, more professional exerciser had entered the Fitness Center while I was in the middle of my daily (new, but daily) routine. It's amazing the motivation that pride can give. I haven't walked that fast before and don't think I'll ever walk that fast again. And the thought pounded through my aching body as I slowed down immediately after the other woman left the room, "Why do I care what she thinks of me?"
I'm always struggling with being a people-pleaser, but it really disturbed me that I would actually care what some other woman I don't know thought about my exercising abilities.
After a discussion with a friend last night, I was relieved to realize that this is a universal problem, but for me there are more levels of this problem in other areas of my life. I care what those people I do know and care about think of me. I wonder if their perceived ideas of me measure up to what I really mean or who I really am. I fight against worrying about this and only recently see bits of progress in letting go of this prideful fear of man.
I have learned, though, that not only can my fear of what others think of me cause me to sin, but also that I am fully capable of deceiving myself about who I really am anyway. Sometimes it is MY perception of myself that is flawed. So often, I am defensive and upset because "So-and-so has the idea that I am a certain way" only to later find upon reflection that, based upon my words and actions, I AM a certain way, however violently I want to deny it. To face up to the truth about myself as found in God's Word, as revealed by my thoughts and words, as seen in through the eyes of my friends, takes courage beyond my abilities. Only grace can help me to humble myself before the only One whose opinion about me truly matters and confess that I am as He sees me. Only grace can give me wisdom to go to older and wiser Christian friends or family members and ask the hard questions: "What am I really like in this area of my life or in this situation? How do you see me in this area or situation compared to the truth of God's Word?"
I desire learn to measure myself with the most accurate measure, God's Word, to lovingly respond correctly to other's impressions or beliefs about me, to live in the confidence and humility of a person of faith.

you know its a rough week when...

You follow up a Tuesday night Bible study on self-discipline with a balanced Wednesday lunch of malted milk balls.
Large bruise on leg from the enthusiastic greetings of the giant poodle Sancho Cook.
You get a 1 right out of five on the History Channel's weekly quiz.
An Alzheimer's resident pronounces one of your employees "completely nuts."
Three for three days of the week on surprising resident deaths.

BUT of course there's always the joys of...
Seeing your baby sister's engagement pictures (great, but a little much smooching-- save something for the big day.)
Watching Princess Patience on her birthday.
LADIES BIBLE STUDY.
Two for two past days of the week where I seriously exercised.
Jane's salad (make that Zoey's salad this week) and the company of all the assorted Cooks.
New-To-Me Ginny Owens CD.
News of Leah, Chad, and Super Lake coming to visit this summer!
And so much more.