We don't see as He sees. I know this truth, and yet, often, it is this very limited perspective that causes me the most frustration. Trusting that He knows the way, that He actually designs the way, and that His way is best takes faith and patience and grace beyond my reach.
Sometimes I don't realize that I have these little spiritual checklists until He reveals it to me, but I think I had one in this area. "When God opens a door--check. I'm good with following Him there. When God closes a door-- yup, got that one. When God opens the door with amazing provision and then seems to slam the same door shut-- WHAT?" That one tripped me up recently. In my fleshly control-freak way, I want Him to point in a direction and then let me just head off on my own (until I find myself in trouble). This moment by moment holding on to Him, submitting each change to Him, letting go of each dream to Him, even the ones He gave, this is impossible for me to do. He must give me grace because I am unable to exercise such faith and submission on my own.
I was pondering this kind of a situation this morning, and my reading was providentially about the life of Joseph. Wow. Joseph had a great childhood, then, BAM, slavery in Egypt. But God blessed him, being with him and giving him success in the home of his new master. Until, BAM, by obeying he ended up in prison. A door opens in serving Potiphar, and God blesses abundantly, then that door of opportunity slams totally shut. "But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. And the keeper of the prison put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners who were in the prison. Whatever was done there, he was the one who did it. The keeper of the prison paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph's charge, because the Lord was with him. And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed." Success again. If I was Joseph, I'd have had my entire prison ministry career mapped out at this point, but again God's plans were totally different and bigger and intended for Joseph's good and the good of many others.
We never hear from Scripture what Joseph's thoughts were during all of this, except when he refuses to disobey God with Potiphar's wife. But Joseph's actions are of faithful service. He behaved as though he trusted God's plan without having to know it himself. He must have still had a positive spirit about him because others entrusted so much to him. Nothing that Joseph said or did distracts us from the point of the story: God. We glorify Him as we read this story: we only see His amazing hand working and providing and leading.
I am forced to look at my life very seriously this morning. So much of what people see is me: my whining, my pondering, my ideas, my goals. If He is supreme to me, if I can rest quietly through ups and downs, through open then shut doors, how much more will others see Him and glorify Him. I see this example in Joseph. I see this example in the lives of dear friends around me. And I repeat, only God can do this work in me, and I must obey and let Him.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sleepy Thoughts
In case you've missed the news of the week, I have a new macbook computer which has, in only two days, become, according to Mrs. Ascher, "my best friend." Yet another cool feature is the built-in dictionary. Tonight I used it because I was pondering some verses.
Nourish- a transitive verb meaning to provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth, health and good condition.
Cherish- a transitive verb meaning to protect and care for someone lovingly; to hold someone or something dear
Ephesians 5:28-29 "In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church..."
It's taken me till this advanced age to really get a handle on what I am waiting for in a guy. I mean, I'm not hunting, but I want to be sure I recognize the one when he comes along. Now I realize that I've been analyzing it all too much, even though I acknowledge that the analyzing and pondering and growing of years regarding this issue are what have brought me to my now simplified conclusion.
I'm waiting for someone who resembles Christ in my life. I'm waiting for someone who actively nourishes and cherishes me. It's not enough that he meets some kind of fairy tale checklist. Probably he won't. But he will provide for my growth. He will long to protect me. He will lovingly care for me. That's worth waiting for.
The most exciting thoughts that I have about this passage revolve around the idea that I don't actually have to wait for this. The husband, who may or may not come along, is to follow the example of Christ who already nourishes and cherishes the Church. I'm a part of this church. He is actively nourishing and cherishing me. It doesn't take long to think of daily illustrations of this love that He has for me.
So tonight I lie in bed counting the ways that I am loved and nourished and cherished. And I rejoice. And, perhaps, I will sleep.
Nourish- a transitive verb meaning to provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth, health and good condition.
Cherish- a transitive verb meaning to protect and care for someone lovingly; to hold someone or something dear
Ephesians 5:28-29 "In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church..."
It's taken me till this advanced age to really get a handle on what I am waiting for in a guy. I mean, I'm not hunting, but I want to be sure I recognize the one when he comes along. Now I realize that I've been analyzing it all too much, even though I acknowledge that the analyzing and pondering and growing of years regarding this issue are what have brought me to my now simplified conclusion.
I'm waiting for someone who resembles Christ in my life. I'm waiting for someone who actively nourishes and cherishes me. It's not enough that he meets some kind of fairy tale checklist. Probably he won't. But he will provide for my growth. He will long to protect me. He will lovingly care for me. That's worth waiting for.
The most exciting thoughts that I have about this passage revolve around the idea that I don't actually have to wait for this. The husband, who may or may not come along, is to follow the example of Christ who already nourishes and cherishes the Church. I'm a part of this church. He is actively nourishing and cherishing me. It doesn't take long to think of daily illustrations of this love that He has for me.
So tonight I lie in bed counting the ways that I am loved and nourished and cherished. And I rejoice. And, perhaps, I will sleep.
Who Am I?
While I want to blog about my trip to the U.S. and all of the excitement and provision of these past few days, I am compelled to write about something that's been on my mind for a long time. I was forced to think about it again as I am preparing my update to Morning Star on Sunday. I was forced to think about it as I evaluated my own life in the last several weeks.
The most dangerous thing that I have found in my new life in China is an old sin: pride.
At the heart of what I do is this fact: I should be living the same life as any other child of the Father is living. Everything should be about His glory. When I go to work, I should work to bring honor to Him. I should long to be a light to my colleagues and students so He is exalted. As I interact with brothers and sisters, whatever I do and say should point to Him. Whether I'm involved in an extra-curricular event or talking on the phone or eating dumplings, He should be my primary thought. Thus my life and the lives of other brothers and sisters in Illinois who work at a nursing home or who live in Tennessee and work at an insurance company or who live in Iowa and work at home with their children should be fundamentally the same.
Admittedly, the moving of my life to the context of a foreign country has affected every part of it. Life is a bit more complicated, at times. I feel that I am continually learning and adjusting. There are new tasks and skills that challenge my mind and also my character. But the essential truths about this move are that I've been given a job that fascinates me, I'm surrounded by people that I've come to love and who show love to me, and I live in a country that I enjoy immensely. The gifts of my new situation far outweigh the challenges.
So where does this pride come in? Well, as a sinful human, pride permeates pretty much every aspect of my life. But in this particular sense, I am often faced with the temptation to see myself as others see me in my new situation. I can be tempted to view myself as my freshmen students see me, or as Chinese people on the street see me, or even as my new friends see me. Even the way that people back in America see me, as I've been reminded this past week, can be a trap for pride. My flesh loves to think of myself as important, special, and interesting: to puff itself up with the idea that what I do or what I have to say is somehow so valuable.
The reality of who I am is only found at the foot of the Cross, and often I find myself running from that truth instead of embracing it. Nothing about me is important or special or interesting without Him and His work in me. The filth that lives inside of me would condemn me without His grace. I am truly privileged to have even a tiny part in any work that He is doing in the lives of others. I'm not indispensable and can easily be put aside if I fail to direct all the praise to Him.
I'm so thankful for His Word which shines a light on my prideful thinking and for the work of the Spirit who points out my going astray and my boastful ideas. I'm also thankful for friends who are examples of humility and of lives entirely focused on Him. I'm especially thankful for the friends who have the wisdom to see me clearly, as He does, and to remind me of my need to continually be looking to Him for perspective.
The most dangerous thing that I have found in my new life in China is an old sin: pride.
At the heart of what I do is this fact: I should be living the same life as any other child of the Father is living. Everything should be about His glory. When I go to work, I should work to bring honor to Him. I should long to be a light to my colleagues and students so He is exalted. As I interact with brothers and sisters, whatever I do and say should point to Him. Whether I'm involved in an extra-curricular event or talking on the phone or eating dumplings, He should be my primary thought. Thus my life and the lives of other brothers and sisters in Illinois who work at a nursing home or who live in Tennessee and work at an insurance company or who live in Iowa and work at home with their children should be fundamentally the same.
Admittedly, the moving of my life to the context of a foreign country has affected every part of it. Life is a bit more complicated, at times. I feel that I am continually learning and adjusting. There are new tasks and skills that challenge my mind and also my character. But the essential truths about this move are that I've been given a job that fascinates me, I'm surrounded by people that I've come to love and who show love to me, and I live in a country that I enjoy immensely. The gifts of my new situation far outweigh the challenges.
So where does this pride come in? Well, as a sinful human, pride permeates pretty much every aspect of my life. But in this particular sense, I am often faced with the temptation to see myself as others see me in my new situation. I can be tempted to view myself as my freshmen students see me, or as Chinese people on the street see me, or even as my new friends see me. Even the way that people back in America see me, as I've been reminded this past week, can be a trap for pride. My flesh loves to think of myself as important, special, and interesting: to puff itself up with the idea that what I do or what I have to say is somehow so valuable.
The reality of who I am is only found at the foot of the Cross, and often I find myself running from that truth instead of embracing it. Nothing about me is important or special or interesting without Him and His work in me. The filth that lives inside of me would condemn me without His grace. I am truly privileged to have even a tiny part in any work that He is doing in the lives of others. I'm not indispensable and can easily be put aside if I fail to direct all the praise to Him.
I'm so thankful for His Word which shines a light on my prideful thinking and for the work of the Spirit who points out my going astray and my boastful ideas. I'm also thankful for friends who are examples of humility and of lives entirely focused on Him. I'm especially thankful for the friends who have the wisdom to see me clearly, as He does, and to remind me of my need to continually be looking to Him for perspective.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
"I Feel Lonely Already"
The fourth floor is very quiet this morning.
I thought of starting out this post with the sentence, "It was a cold, snowy morning in Manchuria," but I could actually see Snoopy atop the dog house with that one.
Anyway, last Friday there was an exodus as the students from our school headed home for the winter/ Spring Festival break. Since our campus is actually in an entire suburb of universities, the whole neighborhood is shutting down. Within the next couple of days, shops and restaurants and street vendors will all close. Inside our dorm building, the hallways are starting to be deserted. Even our beloved fourth floor is getting empty as people head off to America or Korea or Japan. I think the Russians are staying.
This morning our Japanese neighbors and I stood outside the building and waved goodbye to Justin as he headed off to the airport. Poor Kelly left too early in the morning for me to get up and get all dressed to go out and wave to her. Besides, someone important was traveling with her so most of the English department was downstairs to send her off. And we all said goodbye to Mathew here on the hall, him not being the type who wants a large production. Justin has a made a real effort to befriend our Japanese neighbors, so they were up and ready to send him off properly and expected me to join them. (Honestly, Justin, I would have said goodbye upstairs, but I didn't want them to think you were unloved by your American friends.) So anyway, Steve and Tommy and I start back up the stairs after waving at Justin, and Tommy says something in Japanese which Steve translates to me. She said, "I feel lonely already."
It's a good thing that I'm traveling to America on Wednesday, and Steve and Tommy return to Japan on the weekend, and Heidi will be headed for somewhere exciting within a few days. My exams are totally finished, and now I have two days to really clean my room, do all the laundry, shop for a few Chinese goodies to bring to people, and pack. So right now, I'm going to drink some tea, eat banana bread, and read the Word, here on the very quiet fourth floor.
I thought of starting out this post with the sentence, "It was a cold, snowy morning in Manchuria," but I could actually see Snoopy atop the dog house with that one.
Anyway, last Friday there was an exodus as the students from our school headed home for the winter/ Spring Festival break. Since our campus is actually in an entire suburb of universities, the whole neighborhood is shutting down. Within the next couple of days, shops and restaurants and street vendors will all close. Inside our dorm building, the hallways are starting to be deserted. Even our beloved fourth floor is getting empty as people head off to America or Korea or Japan. I think the Russians are staying.
This morning our Japanese neighbors and I stood outside the building and waved goodbye to Justin as he headed off to the airport. Poor Kelly left too early in the morning for me to get up and get all dressed to go out and wave to her. Besides, someone important was traveling with her so most of the English department was downstairs to send her off. And we all said goodbye to Mathew here on the hall, him not being the type who wants a large production. Justin has a made a real effort to befriend our Japanese neighbors, so they were up and ready to send him off properly and expected me to join them. (Honestly, Justin, I would have said goodbye upstairs, but I didn't want them to think you were unloved by your American friends.) So anyway, Steve and Tommy and I start back up the stairs after waving at Justin, and Tommy says something in Japanese which Steve translates to me. She said, "I feel lonely already."
It's a good thing that I'm traveling to America on Wednesday, and Steve and Tommy return to Japan on the weekend, and Heidi will be headed for somewhere exciting within a few days. My exams are totally finished, and now I have two days to really clean my room, do all the laundry, shop for a few Chinese goodies to bring to people, and pack. So right now, I'm going to drink some tea, eat banana bread, and read the Word, here on the very quiet fourth floor.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Love is Different Than You Think
For the last month or so, I've been acting upon a certain principle. If I discipline my mind and thoughts to G's truth, then my emotions will fall into place with that truth. Eventually. Often I act as if emotions are primary. They are so urgent, so demanding, so overwhelming. However, I believe the Truth to be the standard for my life. The facts of His Word should govern my existence, whatever my emotions tell me. It takes more faith than I often have to live based on this principle. But when I do, when I hold on to what I know is Truth through the darkness and chaos of an emotional storm, I find the reward of faith. Light dawns. Pain recedes. Emotions can be disciplined and shaped by truth. They can be subservient followers not the masters of my life. I see this so much in Ps. 119, where David clings to the Word regardless of his changing circumstances and finds Him faithful.
"Great is your mercy, O L; give me life according to your rules."
"I have gone away like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments."
"Great is your mercy, O L; give me life according to your rules."
"I have gone away like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments."
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
What Love Could Be Like
During my grading, sorting, and computing, I found that I hadn't finished grading some quizzes from my freshmen video students. I love reading what my students think. They'd just finished watching and discussing the movie Pride and Prejudice and had to answer this question, "What is a good lesson for life that you could learn from this movie?" I'm taking a break from grading to share some of their answers with you all.
"Love is the soul of marriage."
"No family could be sweet if their home lacks love."
"We should think carefully before we make a decision."
"We shouldn't think of ourselves as more important than other people."
"We should try to believe each other."
"In the world, nobody can be perfect. No matter how rich, how beautiful you are, you still should improve yourself."
"We should be patient with everyone."
"When we are getting married, we should know much about the person who we'll choose."
"Be kind to people around you, and girls should learn more, like how to play the piano." (I love this!)
"The first impression isn't the most important thing to judge whether the person is good or bad."
"We should put down our pride to receive other people's opinion about us."
"It's not much about what happens to us, but how we react to it that makes the difference. So we should face the test with a brave heart."
"Don't tell lies to your family."
And that's only from one class. I hope they really learned these things. At least they thought about them. Thanks, Jane Austen, for showing my students a little of what love is like.
"Love is the soul of marriage."
"No family could be sweet if their home lacks love."
"We should think carefully before we make a decision."
"We shouldn't think of ourselves as more important than other people."
"We should try to believe each other."
"In the world, nobody can be perfect. No matter how rich, how beautiful you are, you still should improve yourself."
"We should be patient with everyone."
"When we are getting married, we should know much about the person who we'll choose."
"Be kind to people around you, and girls should learn more, like how to play the piano." (I love this!)
"The first impression isn't the most important thing to judge whether the person is good or bad."
"We should put down our pride to receive other people's opinion about us."
"It's not much about what happens to us, but how we react to it that makes the difference. So we should face the test with a brave heart."
"Don't tell lies to your family."
And that's only from one class. I hope they really learned these things. At least they thought about them. Thanks, Jane Austen, for showing my students a little of what love is like.
What Love is Like
I've really no time to blog or even to email today. A pile of exams is calling my name. Hopefully, I'll be finished within the next couple of days. But I'm taking time because I've had something to meditate upon the last slightly bumpy week.
How should I love? Meditating on this passage and these thoughts has really helped me to see my obvious need to change. My soul has been humbled and refreshed. My focus will, I hope, become clearer as I think on these things. (and on the exams, of course)
Love is patient,
love is kind, and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
How should I love? Meditating on this passage and these thoughts has really helped me to see my obvious need to change. My soul has been humbled and refreshed. My focus will, I hope, become clearer as I think on these things. (and on the exams, of course)
Love is patient,
love is kind, and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
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