Singing Along

I'm heading to China in 6 days, and I'm overwhelmed. Probably I'm supposed to be. I'm finding myself needy: emotionally, spiritually, physically. I'm finding myself doubting, trusting, crying, praying. Up and down my emotions go like a see-saw. My heart is aching from leaving my family and church family and yet every day I am longing more for these people that I only know through email and phone calls, these new coworkers and friends.

I'm already insufficient. I'm still so sinful. I thought I was unattached to possessions and yet my heart hurts, almost literally, to leave even a black and white neurotic border collie and a bunch of old books. This morning all I could think as I woke up was, "What a mess!" and I wasn't referring to my room, rather to my heart.

Notice the self-focus that keeps pulling me away. Away from the reason, the focus, the joy, the planner, the Comforter: away from Him. This morning I went out to the Cooks at 6:30 a.m. to feed the cats. What a blessing! Loaded with coffee, ipod, and the Book, I drove away into the country. I sat on their front porch and listened to birds and watched the flowers and talked to, meditated upon, and worshiped Him. And repented. Again. Still.

On the way home I sang along with Caedmon's Call, rejoicing in grace, in mercy, in the cross.

Awake My Soul
Thousand Miles
Mystery of Mercy


Romans 7:18-25